I've decided that apathy has to be the grossest and most perplexing thing. I've been in this weird state of anxiety topped off with a bit of apathy, and I have to tell you...I hate it.
Even when typing the word into the google images search engine and finding these graphics, I felt sick to my stomach. Apathy has to be the largest ruiner of joy and growth. Today, the "almost breaking point" for me, I was hit with a pile of discontent and disillusionment. I didn't want to be here, in the class I sat, at Bethel, in Mishawaka. Thoughts of quitting school jumped into my head. Nagging "what ifs" sat in my mind. I wanted to be away, to live simply and purposefully. I just felt like I was pursuing, well, nothing, really. I was sick of everything. And I was okay with that feeling.
Almost immediately, I was hit with God's compassionate Truth. This stuff, this apathy, was junk. I know Satan loves that tactic. He won't get us to turn to evil directly, but he'll make us numb and indifferent to all things of the Creator. Yuck. So gross. I want beauty and love and joy. This point of life feels a little standstill and hectic, pretty stressful at times. Still, I know it is good. I know God is good and loving. He has purpose for me and I can live fully for him right now. I like that it's simpler that I make it. Seek him, love him, enjoy him. Love others. Enjoy others.
So tonight, I'm giving him my apathy. And I'm so thankful for our God who takes it willingly and graciously. Man, I love our Father.
1 comment:
AMEN!
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