Relationships

I am am extremely relationship-oriented. Big surprise, right? No. Most people, most women, are driven by their relationships. We also see the perfect picture of relationship in the trinity-Father, Son, and Spirit-and we strive for the same. As I thought about my various relationships, I began to see beauty in the people God has placed in my life. Family. Friends. Church. Professors. Co-workers. Employers. I am overwhelmed by the joy I find in these connections with people. God has been challenging me to get the focus off of myself, onto him, and then onto others. So, today, I would love to reflect on one relationship and on one person who brings so much to my life.

Joshua Martin Looney sometimes exemplifies his last name. He would kill me if he knew I was writing this about him, but that makes him all the more worthy of these words. Josh and I met in high school after a year of choir, competitive speaking, and mutual friends' urging for us to get together. Yep, we were pretty much set up. We dated for about six months, realized we were nothing more than good friends, and since then, we've been closer than I could have ever imagined. Throughout the past four years, I have seen Josh grow into a man in pursuit of the Father's heart. We are famous for our coffee house conversations, something that happened often. In those conversations, I've seen a passionate, hungry follower of Jesus. Josh wants to be culturally aware, yet compassionate and loving towards every individual. He and I share a love for music, literature, movies, and foreign lands, all of which can be discussed for hours at Barnes and Noble.

As wonderful as Josh seems, he has a few imperfections. For one, he loves Angelina Jolie and we will never come to an agreement about this woman. :) He also enjoys kidnapping his friends and leading them to unknown places. At times, Josh is known to ditch certain gatherings of friends because of "family dinners" or "birthdays." We are often suspicious of these things.

Imperfections and all, I'm so thankful for my brother. He recently sent me an amazing letter in the mail-yes, in the mail!-that made my spirits jump with joy. I read this letter, and I understood God's love again. I don't deserve friends like Josh who take time to encourage me, to tell me how wonderfully made I am. God is so gracious to give me relationships like this. I have known Josh to be one of my greatest cheerleaders and affirmers-if Josh says I can do it, I can. And I can name numerous times God has used Josh's words to speak clearly to me.

He pushes me through Wal-Mart in a cart. He makes ridiculous amounts of cookies. Josh studies for the LSATS during the summer, while I read my speaking book. :) He is talented, determined, caring, passionate, honest, and inviting, and I'm grateful for my inclusion in his life.

Oh, JOY!!!!!!

I am simply overwhelmed by grace. By joy. By rest.

Today is a day of rejoicing! I am free in Jesus because he broke me. It took so long, too long, for me to get to this place. But I am here. Only because of Jesus.

I have been searching for contentment for a long time. It seemed like I was drowning while waiting for true joy, but I didn't fervently try to rise above the waves. Honestly, I've been comfortable in this somewhat melancholy and mediocre life I've been living for the past year. God has been drawing me to something bigger, but I didn't fully accept his offering. So I held onto some walls that were between God and I. I hid behind them, I painted them, made them look pretty good, but they were still solid walls. Jesus loved me fiercely and challenged me during this time, but I still didn't rest in his ideas of joy. 

As I began to face these barriers between Jesus and I, my heart started to soften. I was realizing the extent of my selfishness. I was clearly seeing the "stuff" I needed to give completely to God. And then today, oh what a day, it happened. I was quiet...finally, quiet. I knew that I was ready to change my attitude and my focus. So, as simple as it sounds, I did. God took all the junk that's been clouding my image of him, put it out of my hands, and I finally let him. 

I can't get over this joy! I'd been begging God for joy, asking others to do the same for me. But today was different because I let go of fear...of control. Wow!!! I am here, Jesus. I'm here, content and ready for you. I sensed you were preparing me for something this school year, and I now understand your faithfulness so much more. Even if this understanding of joy is your big thing, that's more than enough. But God, if you want more of me, challenge me. I'm ready, willing, and excited about this new-found, newly-understood part of who you are. Teach me to love like you love and to want what you want. I am amazed by you.

I could not truly sing the song I auditioned for today. With a title like "Count It All Joy," I wanted to sing its truth, but I couldn't yet. Then today, after spending time with Jesus, I began to hum this song. We are burdened, broken people. We are undeserving. We are beautiful because of Jesus. Let's count it all joy. Joy, joy, joy! Thank you, Jesus. You are the giver and maker of joy.

Lessons from this crazy week

I don't know why, but this week has been exhausting. Spiritual Emphasis week would be my easy answer, but I didn't even get to attend many of the extra chapels. Whatever the reason for this draining week, I'm glad it's behind me. And I'm glad I went through it. I don't ever want to take for granted my time. Trying as this week was, I learned so much. So, here are a few tidbits I've taken from this week:

- Others are always more important than I am: This lesson seems to be a constant theme in my life, but this week was different. I was so conscious of my selfishness, and then God really convicted me. Though personal time is important and necessary, my time with people needs to be more so. 

- I am terrible with procrastination: Many college students fall into the procrastination rut, but it tears me a part. I hate the feelings of stress, anxiety, and self-consciousness, like most people, but when these feelings are connected to academics, I feel sick. So, I am committing to using the time I have wisely. Long process? Probably, but I'm ready for it!

- My family is better than yours: I'm so amazed by the family that surrounds me. This week, I've had so much good happen in my family relationships. I can't get over the joy I know with them. It's amazing, and I can't wait for more!

- Rest is good: For any one who knows me, rest has been a huge part of my spiritual growth. Just read my last post and you'll understand. Again this week, God used people, music, and his Word to draw me to his rest. So, so good.

- I am in head-over-heels love with music: Music is definitely a part of my life - I sing it, listen to it, occasionally create it. Yet this past week, any time I'd be struggling with classes, friendships, inner battles, and so on, God used music to speak his Truth to me and to simply comfort me. 

In all these lessons, I realize the glory goes to God! My humanity failed this week, yet God made something lovely from it all. AMEN! So be it.

Oh, no...another blog!!!!!

So, I have yet again tried my hand at a fresh blogging experience. I realized with my last one that only members of that specific blog could comment, so that doesn't work out for my family and friends. I am here to say this is it! My last and only blog is here, bam, right in front of you.

I won't include too much tonight, but I do want to document something God did in my heart tonight. We serve a gracious, loving, empowering Father. After a meeting that ran longer than expected, I didn't make it to chapel tonight. I was disappointed, but then I felt God's push for me to go spend some alone time with him. I went to the library, spread my Bible and journal out before me, and waited. Come on God I thought. Just speak to me, tell me what you want from me. As I should have known, it wasn't that easy, and I praise God for stretching me. Sitting with God, seeking him in his word, and resting before him was just what he wanted from me. It was so simple! I have been trying so diligently to figure out what I've been missing, and God had been asking me to just rest. He wants me to just rest before him, get away from myself, and focus on him. Tonight, as a result, I am choosing to rest, pursue God, and stop thinking so much about myself. How do I stop this prideful habit of putting me before all else? I'm making it a daily prayer, asking others to keep me accountable, and practicing writing about anyone but myself. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.