Today is a day of rejoicing! I am free in Jesus because he broke me. It took so long, too long, for me to get to this place. But I am here. Only because of Jesus.
I have been searching for contentment for a long time. It seemed like I was drowning while waiting for true joy, but I didn't fervently try to rise above the waves. Honestly, I've been comfortable in this somewhat melancholy and mediocre life I've been living for the past year. God has been drawing me to something bigger, but I didn't fully accept his offering. So I held onto some walls that were between God and I. I hid behind them, I painted them, made them look pretty good, but they were still solid walls. Jesus loved me fiercely and challenged me during this time, but I still didn't rest in his ideas of joy.
As I began to face these barriers between Jesus and I, my heart started to soften. I was realizing the extent of my selfishness. I was clearly seeing the "stuff" I needed to give completely to God. And then today, oh what a day, it happened. I was quiet...finally, quiet. I knew that I was ready to change my attitude and my focus. So, as simple as it sounds, I did. God took all the junk that's been clouding my image of him, put it out of my hands, and I finally let him.
I can't get over this joy! I'd been begging God for joy, asking others to do the same for me. But today was different because I let go of fear...of control. Wow!!! I am here, Jesus. I'm here, content and ready for you. I sensed you were preparing me for something this school year, and I now understand your faithfulness so much more. Even if this understanding of joy is your big thing, that's more than enough. But God, if you want more of me, challenge me. I'm ready, willing, and excited about this new-found, newly-understood part of who you are. Teach me to love like you love and to want what you want. I am amazed by you.
I could not truly sing the song I auditioned for today. With a title like "Count It All Joy," I wanted to sing its truth, but I couldn't yet. Then today, after spending time with Jesus, I began to hum this song. We are burdened, broken people. We are undeserving. We are beautiful because of Jesus. Let's count it all joy. Joy, joy, joy! Thank you, Jesus. You are the giver and maker of joy.
2 comments:
I love you SO MUCH, Jessica Smith. You warm my heart. How beautiful it is when we receive the joy He wants to place in us! How indescribably beautiful!
I'm excited that joy is being revived into your life. However, never fool yourself into believing that life is mediocre. If you are starting to entertain that thought, tell Satan to go away. Think of at least 10 things that you are thankful for, but there's no possible way that you are mediocre and even though now you are thriving with joy, I encourage that when you are in a valley of life to hold onto your joy, treasure it, protect it, because if you are seeing yourself as mediocre it will be a lot harder for you to take the veil off your eyes to focus on Christ. Remember, that whatever you are going through, Jesus went through much more and was able to live through it and save people because of his testimony. It's somewhat humbling, and powerful since he is your greatest friend. I believe in you, and I know that God believes in you even more than me. He has great, various plans for you and is nudging you now to inspire you and prepare you for whatever is to come. Rejoice in the simple, rejoice in what you have.
Last night I stopped at a coffee house sponsored by a church and a woman poured out her life to me in one of the most powerful testimonies I've heard in a long time. She had literally lived drenched in sin. She used to be a stripper, but now all she can say is glory to the Father because he brought me out of depression and I believe every last word of the Bible because it has lived in me. That's powerful. Not to mention, she was quoting whole sections of the Bible, and was excited just to hear a line or two of the Bible.
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