Getting back on track...

This semester has been very weird for me-just off. I can't seem to get in the swing of things. My schedule is off, my study habits are all over the place and even friendships feel a little jumbled. I've completely lost focus. Things are not unusually difficult or trying at all; I'm simply off track. I've been going through the motions of school and work, but I'm not really taking a lot of joy in these days. Why shouldn't I? There is so much good going on around me! God is so incredibly good! How can I miss this? 

Like I said, I'm not focusing on Jesus. That's where I've gone wrong. This past summer, I read The Pursuit of God in the midst of a similar non-focused time of my life. Once I was learning and understanding how wonderful this pursuit was, my whole mind set changed. Mundane things seemed glorious because they were opportunities to see Jesus. Work was fun because I saw it as a place to know people and reflect Jesus. My friendships were full and rich when I was whole heartedly seeking Jesus. The summer was tough, don't get me wrong, but it was so much more beautiful than it started. Sunday, I was asked to bring something to share in church due to our pastor being sick. A bunch of people shared from The Word, books and personal experiences. I shared from The Pursuit of God, and I was once again confronted with this choice: do I pursue God and experience this unbelievably rich relationship or do I safely walk through life in the boring, jumbled way I have been recently? I want that rich relationship. I want to see "miracles in the mundane" as my mom calls them. I want to be joyful despite my circumstances. 

So, here's the plan. First and foremost, my daily meetings with Jesus are a priority. As cheesy as I find the "dating Jesus" idea, I do want to look forward to our times together the way I would if I were going on date. Even more so! Then, I'm choosing to change my attitude about certain things. To be honest, I've had a bad attitude about a lot: my job, my amount of responsibility, my class and work load, not being in a relationship, my inabilities, etc. I'm embarrassed by this list, but I know it needs to be confronted.  I'm putting up notes tonight to remind me to love where I am..."love the people you work with" "enjoy tutoring" "have fun with your homework" "thank God for your friend". I'm excited to see my heart change when my mind first does the adjusting. Finally, I'm asking others to keep tabs on me. Friends, family, check up on me. Ask me how I'm enjoying this day, encourage me to work on my projects, call me out if I'm complaining about work. And thank you to you who love me-I'm so very aware of how blessed I am to be loved by you. Tonight is night one of the fresh start! Woo-hoo!

Fix You-Coldplay

Perfect. I needed this song to get me back in the swing of my blogging project. As I listen to this familiar tune, I am comforted by a sense of peace. Though these lyrics were most likely not written with reference to Christ, I get this great settledness when I think of God as the narrator of this song. These lyrics hit home. Lately, I feel like all I do is work, push and try harder. But I don't know that I have seen much come from these efforts. At least, nothing has looked like I hoped. At the same time, I understand life is not about trying just to achieve; if I'm never recognized, then so be it. I want to look to glorifying God rather than myself-but that's a whole other subject! Anyway, I'm resonating with these words tonight...and I know God is here, holding my hand to guide me through it all. 

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse? 

Lights will guide you home, 
And ignite your bones, 
And I will try to fix you

This song screams brokenness. When does change happen? When we are utterly and completely lost, at the bottom, drained from the endless tears. Then there is this picture of hope-a light-that directs us towards home, towards rest. Hmmmm...I'm smiling right now as I think of God's rest. Something else I love about looking at these lyrics is the obvious influence of God's pressing on hearts. Coldplay is an extremely respected and talented band; but they don't know Christ, as far as I know. I'm thinking that God has been drawing these guys to himself for a long time, and this is reflected in their word choices. I love it! It encourages me to pray more often for these extremely influential musicians. Man, I love this song. And I love how Jesus is teaching me so much about himself.